unknown spice

The way back home....

2008-11-29T15:58:00.000-08:00

at the end of the day
i find myself
needing.
i have travelled alone
in search of love
got lost in places
got hurt by my choices
and then, i cried
finding myself
in the middle
of a spinning chaos
blinded by lies
and by hopes that
someone can save me
but the tears didnt stop
from flowing.
i sank down
beneath the reality
in the depth of my imagination
i wanted to die.
and i pulled myself up.
tried to find my way.
away from those who try to hurt me
At the end of the day,
i find myself wanting..
to go back to that place
where i feel most safe
where i hold life in my hands
where my heart stands.
it may always be long
but i know
im moving on

GOODBYE....

2008-11-15T13:12:00.000-08:00

Hello...

Our time is up... we've come to the end of the road… there are tears of both sadness and joy. Look how far we've come!

Who would have thought that our reunion could have turned out to be this amazing? It just shows what can grow out of an exciting thought, an idea, a hope, a dream. Yes, our reunion tour is proof that dreams do come true.

We have been lucky enough to have shared it with the most loyal fans in the world. Ten years on, you came back still wanting more… and it looks like we made some new friends along the way. You have inspired and ignited us with each show, the 47 that we performed, each time was amazing and it is thanks to you.

So we look to the future with hope and imagination and let Girl Power live on through all of you as it will continue in us and the future generations to come.

We have learnt so much through you and through each other.

"Never give up on the good times always believe in the love you find."

We hate goodbyes but sadly the time has come to take our final bow so maybe our song says it best:

"Goodbye my friend, it's not the end… So glad we made it, time will never ever change it… "

Mission Accomplished...

Love

Emma, Geri, Mel B, Melanie C and Victoria

DREAM BOY by Jim Grimsley

2008-11-14T19:19:00.000-08:00

my favorite book.. i spotted this at booksale a year ago (bought it for less than a hundred but is sold at amazon for $10.40). read it, and cried for hours... it was a great great love story..

i found myself searching for reviews about the book. and guess what i found? it was made into a movie. starring stephan bender and max roeg and directed by james bolton, the film premiered at the Berlin International Film Festival on February 15.

apparently, im still loooking for ways to see the movie, maybe buy a dvd if there is one...

DISTURBIA - Absence of Beauty

2008-10-30T17:55:00.000-07:00

held

grills

broken tooth

bicycling in mono

barbie dolls

banderitas

ang mga lobo

bags

bag vixen

UST - Haunting

Disturbia - Absence of Beauty (my first take on greyscale)

2008-10-22T01:29:00.000-07:00

a world without colors.
a world without beauty.
a lot of you have noticed how much Narcism it is that i have.
yeah right. im addicted to taking pictures of myself.

but now, i pointed the camera lens to the other side. though you may still see some signs of narcism ( cant help it ), ive shunned the beauty (if there is any)... i took away the colors...

its like, magic...

For him

2008-09-19T15:34:00.000-07:00

it has been a roller coaster ride.. as always.
this isnt a fairy tale romance. because we already know the unhappy ending.
thursday mornings are great. however, we cannot go on like this..
we have to move on with our lives.
im getting tired of waking up very very early just to talk and talk. not that i dont want to talk to you, but you're putting me in a very complicated situation..
we should not do this anymore,
i cant tell you personally...i might breakdown again... i cant tell you when it's your eyes that im looking at, your hands im holding.. argh.
you have her.. you have to go on with her.
and even if i dont have anyone now,,
im gonna be alright..

after all, i can always run to you if i cant..

just let me go, for now.

i promise il be back...

The Jeepney Chronicles - MOMS

2008-09-12T04:53:00.000-07:00

This will be a lot... But then, i might give this in parts... I dunno where my mind will take me, and how far i can delve into the minds of mothers inside cramped jeepneys.....

but then again, let's start...

Quiapo-Mabuhay Rotonda

Her name is Chelsea, probably sixteen - nineteen. you will notice her. she looks so young, and she is wearing a school uniform. she's still in high school. but notice that bulge on her tummy? yes. she is five months pregnant. her parents do not approve of her boyfriend. she loves him, and thinks he loves her too. but they are too young. no marriage yet. but the baby will be born..and if it's a boy, he will be named Justin. just like his dad.

Her name is Mercy. She sells weird stuff in front of the Quiapo Church. She's twenty-eight, but she looks forty-plus. Maybe because she didn't enjoy her youth that much. She got pregnant at seventeen, and now has five children.. They are still in school. Her husband works as a construction worker. Mercy and her husband love their children so much that they can practically do anything just to send them to school. She has sold pirated CDs, pickpocketed some devotees of the Black nazarene, begged for alms, sold her body to foreigners... And her husband? he did the same.

UP Ikot

Her name is Jacinta. She owns a boarding house in Area 2 of UP Diliman. She finished college in the University. She is now a professor. Her husband passed away twenty years ago, leaving her and their two children behind. She has raised them well. Her first-born, Patrick, is now working as an architect in Australia. Her second, Paticia, is now in Singapore working in an advertising agency. Jacinta is happy and content. But she longs for the embrace of her children.

Her name is Margaret. She is studying BS Psychology in UP. She is married, with one kid. Her husband owns this big business in Pasig. She wants to jus stay at home and be a housewife. He wants her to finish school. She loves her family. He loves her too, but he wants her to be at least in the same level as he is. She understands. Because when they got married, all she heard of were rumors that she only married him for his wealth. She didn't.

Cubao-Tungkong Mangga

Her name is Carissa. She fell in love with another man while she was married. She had an affair. It lasted for three years. And her husband found out. But he didn't mind. She knew he loved her. Why did the affair end? Because the husband also had an affair.. With his wife's lover. And she found out. And for the love of their children, they decided to put an end to the complications in their married lives. No one but the three of them knew.

Her name is Sara. She has been married for five years now. But she still doesn't have a child. She is afraid to go to the doctor, afraid that her husband will leave her if she's can't get pregnant. So she tried everything. She prayed, fasted, danced at Obando, had sex with the husband every now and then, sought advice, read magazines and self-help books... But to no avail. But she's still trying... All for the love of her husband.

Rosario-Batangas

Her name is Sheila. She is the mother of seven. Her children are successful Very successful, that everytime she rides a jeep, you could hear her bragging about them. Her children are her investments... And they give great returns... But they are not hapy. Her first born was married, but is a closet gay. Her second was married to an old man. Her third was married, had a child, and was separated, remarried, had another child, and separated (i heard she's dating again) Her fourth was married to a hotshot basketball player (and in every sense of the word PLAYER). Her fifth doesnt wanna be married because she's so afraid that the guy might turn out to be something else (as in the case of her sisters). Her sixth is busy digging the earth's crust in faraway Middle East (and has been raped by an Arab because of his not so pretty face). And her seventh, the class whore.

Her name is Tessa. She is the epitome of Lola Bombshell. She is a mother of seven, a grandmother of eleven. There is no way you'd think she is already a granny. She is after all, showered with gold and silk... Her outfits are perfection. Her earrings are not only dangling, they are tingling. She laughs like a courtesan, but she doesnt mind. She is rich. She has this big house (bigger than Sheila's though the latter's children are more successful), big aquariun with a big fish inside,,, Tessa's secret? She wouldn't tell... Sometimes she says, it's the sex. Somteimes, it's the grandchildren. Sopmetimes its the big fish in the big aquarium. But sometimes, she'll seriously say, it's the Love....

Her name is Evelyn. Mother of seven. Her first born is gay (and she is proud of it). Her second doesn't have a job, but is a big help around the house. Her third is a basketball hotshot who always calls the shots, but still has this big love for the family. Her fourth is bitchier than the first (but still in hiding). Her fifth (and only girl) doesn't comb her hair, but always wins in school contests. Her sixth is a member of the "five genius boys' group they formed in class. Her seventh is still young but learns very fast. A lot of times, she argues with her children. And most of the times, it's all about little stuff. At the end of the day, wether she has tears in her eyes or a smile on her lips - her children are the reason for it. Everyday is a new adventure especially when it comes to her children. They have strange lives, especially the first one. But she doesn't care. She loves them, and they love her. Why of course, she's out mother. And she is the best mom anyone can have. Nothing can change that.

The Jeepney Chronicles

2008-09-03T00:36:00.000-07:00

`There were five of us there... Five of our kind. Isn't it weird?

There was angelo. The varsity player from university of some sort. He was wearing a white shirt, a cargo shorts, and was hugging a gym bag. At first glance, you wouldn't think he is one of us. He was just staring at the window of the jeepney, looking outside.. Trying hard not to mind the people inside..
"what the shit. how can people be so flamboyant. cant anybody be a little discreet? argh. yeah right. i saw mike in the locker room. mike's so hot. how can i tell him i wanna rim that tight ass.. i want that big body on mine. what the...? tangna namang bakla to o."

There was Orlando a.k.a Olga. You know it when you see him,err, her. Olga works at that infamous salon where falling hair can be cured by chemicals that make your hair, well, fall... It was Olga's day-off. He's on his way to this infamous cinema where everything happens..
"Syeeett... ang gwapo naman netong estudyanteng to.. sana ganito na lang mahada ko mamaya sa sinehan... kalorkey, kahit ilang libong dolyar, ivivigay ko ng bonggang bongga... hahahay..... kaya lang, baka naman magalit si papa pee ko kung ala akong iuwi mamaya sa kanya... hahahayyy... antigas ng kanyang maskels.....hmmmmm"

There was Rey. well, rey is my friend/officemate. He is a professional. a certified public accountant (like me). He claims that he is not gay, but everytime a guy looks at him (us), he insists that the guy was only looking at him. My older officemates say that rey looks more lalaki than i do. but the younger ones dont agree.Rey cant be himself because his religion forbids him to do so. His eyes dart from angelo to olga to the other guy and then he smiles at me...i know what it means.
"ano ba? hindi ako badiiing.... lalaki ako..di ako katulad mo. pag nakapang-office ka disente. pero pag ganyan na ang suot mo, nagtatransform ka na. ang kulay kulay ng buhay mo... nakakainggit ka. pero hindi ako naiinggit sa yo. kasi tingnan mo yung lalaking me dalang malaking bag, kanina pa niya ako tinitingnan..at alam mo ba? magkasama na kami ni smith natulog sa isang kuwarto. actually sabi niya, sa isang bed na lang daw kami kasi kasya naman.pero actually, humingi na ako ng bed sa front desk.. sayang talaga.. ayan o, tumitingin na naman siya o...."

there was BJ. Bernardo Jose. How gay can that name get? hahaha.. But im telling you, you cant tell it at first glance... He's much more discreet that angelo, and way better looking. Angelo's got the body, but this one, he's got the whole package baby.. Bj's working at a call center.. He's coming home from his shift.
"I cant believe i did it in the office cr. I dont even know the guy. Who knows, he might be working in the same building? or worse, baka pareho kami ng company...arrggghhh... bakit kasi hindi naghihigpit yung mga guards... Bakit kasi anlibog ko... Bakit kasi walang sumeryoso sa akin? pang sex na lang ba talaga ako? ang yabang naman netong varsity guy na ito. I saw him at g4m. He flaunts his pics there, bakit kala mo kung sinong straight. patingin tingin pa. siguro naghahanap ng makakasex sa jeep/ Ano ba yan... my thoughts are all about sex.. I want to experience love naman. real love....hey, i saw this guy at g4m din ah..."

And then there was me....

the hell that was koronadal (sorry, but i really went thru hell in here)

2008-07-15T17:16:00.000-07:00

i had acute intestinal amoebiasis. i have no idea where i got that as i have taken every precautionary measures i know. damn. i was in pain for five freakin days... i swear, i thought i was dying. and you know what, when i left manila, i was 63plus plus kilos.. wen i was admitted in the hospital, i weighed 56.5... darn. you would never believe it. i had sleepless nights, my stomach hurt like hell and my feces (i hope you're not eating), from the plain diarrhea (the watery one), it became moss-like, and then, it became watery black. that was the worst. there were times when i wished i could sleep sitting in the bowl. and yes, i pooped in my undies one time, i puked in my boss's bed....
the end result? Im GOING HOME.
talk about blessing in disguise.
but then, i shouldered half of my hospital bills, and maybe my plane ticket to. but what the heck...
all i wanna do is get out of this f*ckin hell....

manila...
im cummin back...

Four Entries....

2008-06-20T19:06:00.000-07:00

1. Vengeance
I am Back
in this world that hated me.
I bring rage
fire burning in my hands
Feel this wrath
On your mind
Giving up-
Not my Style
Letting go-
Not my kind
I am here
to get what's mine.
to prove my worth
and live my life unharmed...

2. PASSION de AMOR
Nakapapaso.. Kay init ng Pag-ibig... Dumadaloy, Nananalaytay, wari bang may sariling buhay..
Pagsaluhan natin. hawakan mo. pakiramdaman... kay sarap manatili sa ganitong kalagayan... sa higpit ng pagkakayakap...
sa diin ng pagkakalapat...
mahirap pigilin ang mga puso at katawang NAg a alab...

3. LUCAH
I hallucinate.
i see people
with wide smiles,
with outstretched hands,
saying prayers so divine...
welcoming me to paradise..
And there he is...
The one I've searched for all my life...
My crazy journey is over..
Nothing else could hinder.
So i held his hands...
Stared at him in awe.
I laughed coz he was mine.
I cried coz this isnt real.
I screamed because of the pain.
I died...
died very insane...

4. Earnest

'tis a deep and sincere feeling
That goes on...
Though i'm hurting,
I am believing.
A one way love.
but so strong enough.
the one i've waited, searched,
and fervently prayed for...

My source of happiness..
My strength, my sadness...
The reason for my sleepless nights.
The person in my dreams..
who makes me laugh and cry at the same time...
Earnest... alove that never fades.

PaSsiOn

2008-06-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

And it burns...
A hell i've kept inside of me.,
A fire i've lighted in my eyes.
How I move my feet..
The way I sway my body.
Aint got no time for stopping..
Power. Passion. Play.
The ance unseen....

I've created a life.
Breathed unto it.
The heat of a love unknown..
And it flowed--

--the energy...
into my veins...
deep into my soul...
Swung my arms...
Gyrated my body...
This is the life that i made.
The passion in a dance...

Music for a lonesome self...

without the bald head.

2008-06-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

we are breaking up not because i have been unfaithful.
not because we do not love each other anymore.
but because his mom told him to do so.
i dont know what kind of drama was that... but he said that every move that he makes is being watched.
now, im left with no other choice but to let go.

as i said,

whatever makes you happy.

his car...

2008-05-28T23:47:00.000-07:00

and so we met again...
tis a love story... but i wont tell how it started...

i have no idea what he was like before.. all i needed to know is who he is now. a perfect gentleman..a perfect find. damn it. ive searched so long. i even posted my 'requirements' in friendster... but to no avail... and yet... he came... someone like him exists....

he knew me right from the start. knew where i came from, where i played, what i did, every single detail of my sinful life - he knew. he accepted my harsh words.. my constant naggings, my relentless behavior... he embraced the imperfection that was me...

no. i did not expect that we'll end up together. he was just one of them (or so, i thought)... our petty fights and quarrels include those of infrequent texting, frequent chatting, my constant craving for other people's bodies, his 'true intentions' for me....any point i wanted to raise, i raised it. i wanted to provoke him. i wanted to know what he really wants...

lust? maybe. love? maybe...

but we went far... even farther than both of us expected.

he made me wait from ten in the morning til four in the afternoon at gateway.. but he didnt show up.

he went to the PNB Financial Center to fetch me...

he went to my work just to have lunch with me...

i always told my friends that i wouldn't learn how to drive because i have very weak eyes...
and id follow it with a joke that il just look for someone who has a car...para complete package na....

he came...
sooner than i expected...

i don't know if it will last....

im wishing that we would...

but i am still scared...

still dont know where to go...

party animals...

2008-04-26T14:39:00.000-07:00

hungru for the danceflor.... craving for the rush of bodies gyrating to the beat... no one knew. no one cared.
who else would know what's inside those masks? there was a girl who wore pekpek shorts.. she's so pretty but she flirts with an old foreigner. she casually leans on the bar counter, asks for a drink and said hi to the old guy.. who would know what she was thinking?
there' s this gay who went dancing with anyone he saw and liked. he did not move gracefully, though. but his energy is way way better than mine.. he playfully teased men (mostly drunk guys), and got a slight punch from a guy after he licked the guy's neck..
there's this guy who was so drunk i dont even think it was just alcohol on him. he tried to dance with girls, but to no avail..left without a choice (it seems), he danced with the gay whom i just talked about.
there are these two girls who embraced each other so tight on the dancefloor without even thinking of what people would say. i suppose they are lovers. they're pretty huh..
definitely prettier than these three girls who danced like they were performing in a strip club. three girls (not pretty but i must say the beer goggles worked on some men) wearing uh, revealing clothes, anced and danced and danced... flirted with men.. danced.. and flirted.. well, maybe the only time they can flirt is at night, when everyone else is drunk.. i wonder what they ook like in the morning..
there are these three guys who seemed like pros on the dancefloor... great moves.. one was not that goodlooking (he was wearing a white shirt). the other (wearing a jacket over a black sando) flirted with one of the three girls i have mentioned earlier.. i believe he has a cleft palate before or maybe he lost a tooth, there is something wrong there (but then, i dont trust my weak eyesight,hahaha)...and the last guy (whom i had a chance to talk to despite the deafening noise that was the speaker), did not give in to dancing with the uh, flirts... maybe because he's already committed (or maybe he doesn't wanna leave me haha)...
there are these two hunky good looking men who obviously were looking for someone to go to bed with that night. they actually cornered a girl who was dancing beside me.. luckily, i had a chance to brush my butt against one of the guys' crotch,,, hahaha... pathetic.
there's this guy who was playing with a flashlight (uh, mimicking a fire dance i suppose)... i dont like him.he stole my dance partner. haha...
uh..there's a lot of people there...
each with different stories...
different reasons why they have to spend their nights there...
different ways of enjoying the night.. some on the dancefloor. others on their tables... and still others, on the restroom....
it was a great night though...
i just wish he was there....

aleli glaiza

2008-04-12T05:47:00.001-07:00

until now, i still believe she is ruffa mae quinto's sister... hahaha,,,,...
hmmm... mukhang super rich ka na ah..
i miss aleli a lot.. we were blockmates in UP. Magkaklase pa nga kahit sa P.E. nung first year first sem di ba?.. hay..
super bubbly yan si aleli... alala mo nung nanuod tayo concert ng freestyle? haha... pag nakikita ko yung pics natin nung college, parang sobrang centuries ago na yun ah.. anlaki na ng ipinagbago naten ah.. hay..

(friendster testi February 2004)
ruffa mae quinto's sister (in my
dreams). blockmate. classmate.
teacher. adviser. mall buddy. concert
buddy. party buddy. eating buddy. ano
pa ba? lahat na lang ata ng yan.
kinakarir ni aleli glaiza almada para
sa kin! kaya naman super friends kami
nyan... nung una kaming magkita sa
classroom namin sa philo, sa tuktok ng
main lib ng up diliman, sinabi ko sa
sarili ko, grabe kamukha sya ni ruffa
mae... baka kapatid! talagang
pinagpipilitan ko na kapatid siya ni
booba, to the point na naiinis na ata
siya sa kin.. pero buti na lang,
tinigilan ko siya.hehehe... tapos,
andami dami na naming pinagdaanan
together ni aleli (take note: sa loob
lang yan ng dalawang taon!)--
magkalaban sa bowling, magkasamang
nanood ng concert ng freestyle,
magkasamang pumunta sa sm para bumili
ng regalo para ke paul, para sa father
nya, at kung kani-kanino pa,
magkasamang pumunta sa parties sa
engg, magkasabay sa pag-apply sa ie
club, magkasamang tumambay sa bahay ng
alumni para pag-usapan ang problems
niya, at napakarami pa... sa lahat ng
yon, isang bagay lang ang na-prove
ko... aleli is a true friend.. mahal
ka niya kahit ano ka pa, understanding
siya at magaling din mag-advice..
matalino pa, at saksakan ng ganda
(inside and out). sayang nga lang at
hindi ko na siya masyadong nakakasama
ngayon.. pero i know, our friendship
is still there... love yah!!!!

see... i cant even remember the details.... but all i know is - you're one of
the best friends God has given me....

missing the night life..

2008-04-12T05:31:00.000-07:00

there was a time when i thought that happy nights would never end...
that i would be forever young...
what?im twenty three years old. and im stuck.
i dont have a night life. not because i cant afford (duh, i have a job)... its simply because i dont have the luxury of time..
and i hate that.. i hate facing that reality. it sucks. BIG TIME.
every time i hear a nice song, i feel a strong urge to get up and dance...
but i cant.
its just sad.. because people see you as someone so young and so accomplished, someone who's got a hold of his dreams....
but then, you're not happy...
i crave for it....
the happiness... the rush... the energy....
i want it badly....

donna mae salonga

2008-04-12T05:21:00.000-07:00

elite... that's what she is....
but even though she is one of the richest and prettiest girl ive ever met,
she still remains down to earth... kind.... honest.....and a great friend..
hah... masikreto...
mukhang masaya na ang kanyang buhay pag ibig ah.. buti naman....
mula nung magka crush yan ke jj, hindi ko na maintindihan kung anu nga bang gusto netong si donata....
ke ron din lang naman pala babagsak eh.....heheheh....
natutuwa talaga ako sa kanila...

matalino... maganda... sporty.... hayyy...

di ko malilimutan ung time na nag try out sya sa volleyball.. sobrang suportadong suportado namin yan eh..

kung bakit ba naman kasi ayaw mag Miss Lyceum, tapos sa paglalaro pa ng colleyball magpapakita ng kanyang magandang legs....

hoy donna, miss na kita!!!

even though nagkaron ng wall sa pagitan namin nila irene, pasalamat pa rin ako na kahit bitchikels ako, friend friend ko pa rin tong si donna....

imbitahan mo naman ako sa kasal mo!!!!

the anatomy of your ghost

2008-04-11T05:13:00.000-07:00

i was scared to touch you, without realizing why. maybe because i knew that once my hand touches your skin, you'd fade and would soon be gone.
and they'd just laugh at me for being so foolish..
for imagining things that werent even there...
but i know you are.
because i felt your lips touch mine.
i felt how your breathe calmly breezed through my whole body.
i felt your hand squeeze mine.
i heard you say "never let go".
and so, i began to realize how broken your voice sounded.
hah.. i know you tried to cover it up by that little game you loved to play..
'thumb wrestling'?
you knew you'd win...
you knew id give in,..
but again, im afraid to touch you.
maybe because ive been hurt so much -
so hurt that i dont want to go on anymore.
i dont want to go any further.
i dont wanna move on.
i want it to stop.
i wanted to freeze time....
and i heard you laugh softly...
so soft and so unreal and so fake.
because tears were slowly streaming down your face.. and so we knew that it has to end.

these are the times when i wish

2008-04-02T04:48:00.000-07:00

my life would just end...
when i wish i would just vanish from the face of the earth..
twenty three years of what? nothing?
it seems that people couldn't care less....
i hate my job...
i never felt happy here....
this is not the work that i wanted..
i feel that my friends are slowly drifting away from me.
its really pathetic,
but its like im beginning to realize that we all have our own lives to live,
and maybe, just maybe,
my part on their lives is over now...
you know that feeling when you've given everything you can,
you've done the best you can,
but no one appreciates...

damn.
i just want to be alone.

i want to disappear,

i just want to breathe...

i mean, i hate the life that im living.
i dont know...

what could happen?
where am i going?
what am i supposed to do?

i am not happy...
and these are the times that i wish,
id just
fade away....

christine anne formalejo

2008-03-28T05:48:00.001-07:00

olympian freya

i couldn't forget that name...

looking at this girl, you know that she is 'somebody'...

she sings...

she plays badminton...

she's from UP..

she's got everything...

im really really proud, honored, an all that, for having her as my friend...

nung high school, magkasabay kami umuuwi sa hapon...

magkatelebabad madalas..

magkatularan..

magkasama sa pang ookray ng mga teachers.. pati ke jetsam at ke flotsam at sa kung anu anong sari sari nang mapg iisip ng aming mga murang kaisipan.. hahahaha...

tsismisang umaatikabo, tawanang walang puknat...

buti na lang at kami ay nakatira sa iisa lamang na barangay...

hanggang mapdpad nga kami sa up.. palagi rin kaming nagkakasama duon..

at kahit ngayon, nagkakatextan at nagkakatawagan...

i guess ive found one of the truest, sincerest and best friendships in christine anne formalejo....

at katulad nga ng ating awit...

lean on me... when you're not strong...

aldrin - xochi

2008-03-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

the reason why we broke up?

he has this habit of creating stories in order to make me jealous...

stupid and gulllible me...

but the relationship lasted for a month i think.

it was not serious though.

chrxs 'saruko'

2008-03-28T05:36:00.000-07:00

nakilala ko siya bilang saruko sa isang clan na sinalihan ko nuong college pa ako...

unang tingin ko sa kanya, mukha siyang suplado...

walang pakialam...

batang malakas lang ang trip.

hanggang sa isang araw, pansinin niya ako sa text..

asa alab ang ako nun.. makikipagkita dapat sa kinakarir ko..

pero nagtext siya..

ewan ko kung bakit, pero umalis ako ng alabang para pumunta sa sta. rosa...

para makipagkita sa kanya..

dinala nya ako sa kanilang bahay..

naglaro kami...

nung gabi, isinama niya ako sa GEB nung isa pa niyang clan...

pagkatapos, pinahiram niya ako ng shorts...

at hanggang ngayon, asa akin pa rin yung shorts na yun....

nakalimutan na siguro niya... hehehe...

2008-03-28T05:18:00.000-07:00

who said i ain't top model material?

this is my hairstyle

and this is what'll make me win... hahahaha....

you thought i would forget?

no i...

i remember...

oh...

i remember....

makes me that much stronger....

arlene 'menk'

2008-03-26T06:29:00.000-07:00

may nakapgsabi sa akin, siya raw ang babaeng james abel... natawa naman ako... sa isang banda, tama nga... kung kakirian at kakirian din lamang, aba ay magkalebel ga kami? sana nga... hehehe...

hindi ko man madalas na nasasabi, mahal na mahal ko si arlene guia...

isa lang siya sa iilang babaeng pinapayagan kong humawak sa akin sa kunsaan saang parte ng aking katawan....

isa siya sa iilang babaeng nagmamay ari ng mga labing mapalad na nakadampi sa aking katawan (naks!)...

sa dinami dami ng taong nakilala ko, wala pang nakakapagpangiti sa akin sa tuwing makikita ko siya ng katulad ni binibining arlene guia...

katulad ko, medyo adik din ata siya sa kanyang sarili (tingnan ang friendster)...

katulad ko, kiri rin siya....

pero isa sa mga bagay na hinding hindi ko malilimutan kay arlene ay yun gang kanyang 'tapang'.

alam ko kung gaano niya kamahal ang pamilya niya... at nakita ko talaga yung tapang niya nung nagpaalam ang pinakamamahal niyang tatay... sabi niya nga ata sa amin dati, pwede gang maki share ako sa mga tatay nyo? parang ganun ata... hay... muntik na akong maiyak nun eh.. parang 'turning point' yun sa akin... kasi kami ng tatay ko, di man lang kami masyadong close....

matapang yang si menk...basta alam niyang tama siya, lalaban yan... aywan ko nga lang kung bakit baga hindi ata napansin ni willie revillame ang pagiging palaban ng babaeng ire....

basta nariyan si menk, masaya ako eh..

napapatawa ako... sa galing namang humirit....

sa galing rin namang bumira...

nuong sumakay kami sa supreme dati at nagpictorial ever, akalain mo ba namang ibinababa pa ang strap ng bra niya para seksi...

iba ka talaga menk...

pa kiss nga!!

mwaaah!!!!!

irene kristine

2008-03-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

i love her. though our friendship has been 'shattered', i would not, never ever, deny the fact that i love this girl.

i guess, ill be receiving a camphone anytime soon... hehehe...

im happy for her. really.

there were times (way back then) that id put her first before me... that i would even sacrifice my own happiness for her...

but then, i guess, we had to grow.. and by growth, we had to part ways... but she is and will always be special.. i could not throw three years of my life away you know?

'people change' - yan ung madalas niyang sinasabi sa akin dati...

in a way, she was right... with everything that has happened, we all had undergone drastic changes...

i could not say that i did not regret it, i could not say that i did...

it was what life has to offer,,,,....

we used to hate the same people, used to watch the same shows, like the same music, adore the same boys (uh oh...)...

we used to be together...

i miss those times...

i would never forget the way she laughs... it was so real.. so infectious...

i love making her laugh...

but im really sorry for all those times i made her cry...

as i have written., she has a special place in my heart...

and i know she is happy now..

i thank God that she found the one...

'soy'

2008-03-26T05:52:00.000-07:00

that was the first time i saw him. i was afraid to look at him straight in the eye because i know i was not the one he was looking for.. but then, he begged me to stay... he asked me to please, just one glimpse of me and it'll be fine... we can call it quits, we can say it;s over.. after that one 'look'... but then,

it all began...

SpInNINg cHaOs

2008-03-17T05:45:00.000-07:00

"i thought walking away from you was the right thing to do..
but we we're both trapped in each other's love,
that no matter how many times we say goodbye to each other,
we still find ourselves longing to hold each other's hands."
sometimes, i still remember how we parted ways,,
it was never easy.
and hearing things from other people, it really wasn't that easy..
i thought it was over.
we both believed it was over.
and yet,
it's this "spinning chaos" that binds us together...
it sucks me in...
hahaha
what a word..
suck..
well, it's just weird that we find ourselves in the most unexpected place and in the most unexpected time...
i know, from the smile in your face, that it was ON again..
i know...
i just know...
welcome back to my arms, my friend

untold story

2008-03-15T18:23:00.000-07:00

and then it waS over...
lumipas ang mga araw, dumalang ang text messages, ang mga pagpaparamdam...
we drifted away from each other...
last naming pagkikita after the breakup and everything ay nuong november 4, 2003.
after that, unti unti na kaming naglaho sa mundo ng isa't isa...
a couple of years after, i received a message from him.. he wanted to meet up. nagkita kami sa metropolis alabang. anlaki na ng ipinagbago niya nungmakita ko siya... sobrang hunkie na ung dating nya, sobrang basta... iba.... he smiled at me..and greeted me na para bang buddies lang kami. (buti na lang hindi ako nag-pink)...
kumain kami sa mcdo (favorite na ata namin eto eh), at nag-usap. seryosong usapan. he thanked me for that something different that i brought into his life.. he said he's doing well in his studies na.. and he has a new girlfriend (almost five months na raw sila thaT time).
it's funny because although he's way hotter than before, yet i didn't feel anything. hindi ako naattract, hindi ako nagregret na nagkahiwalay na kami, at hindi rin ako nagnasa (believe it..).
kaya kami nagkita kasi wala lang. hehehe.. pero eto ung naalala ko sa mga sinabi nya- gusto na raw nyang kalimutan ang lahat. un bang parang WALAng nangyari. ung parang di na kami nagkakilala. at ito ung reason nya:
'im living a straight life na kasi.'
okei.. ok lang naman sa akin yun, although parang mejo nakakagulat at mejo me konting pain kasi syempre, first ko yun eh. basta,..pero tinanggap ko naman ang reasonnya.. at alam ko namang mahal nya ung girl kasi parang 3/4 ng conversation namin e tungkol sa kanilang dalawa (at hanggang maisisingit nya sa usapan, isinisingit nya).
inihatid nya ako sa pabalik ng batangas. naghiwalay kami sa lipa.
i thought that was the last time id see him...

akala ko yun na ung last na magkikita kami...
pero last october laNG, nagtext siya sa akin (well buti na lang pala at kinakalat ko sa friendster ang number ko). gusto ko raw bang makipagkita sa kanya, sabi ko naman, walang problema. nag-meet kami sa yellowcab sa recto (dapat sa sm manila kaso me mga kaibigan ata sya na kasama dun eh, me event or something)..
and so, we met.. kinumusta nya ako.. sabi ko tigang (hahaha)... natawa naman siya. sabi nya, napakalaki na raw ng pinagbago ko, nagkaroon na ako ng laman, marunongna akong mag ayos ng buhok, basta, anlaki raw ng improvement. naisip ko naman, gagong to ah, me halo pang okray. sabi ko sa kanya, kaw kasi iniwan mo ko, kaya ayan, kinailangan ko mag-ayos para makahanap ng bago, hahaha...
sabi niya sa akin, naniniwala raw siyang maipapasa ko ang board exam. alam niya raw kasi na pag ginusto ko, magagawa ko.. makukuha ko.. sabi ko naman, oo nga, ikaw lang hindi,.. hehehe,,,
(nagta-try ako syempreng landiin siya, kasi that time tigang talaga ako, hehehe)...
nalaman ko na sila pa rin nung gf niya (wow, antagal na ha...) ginood-luck niya ako...nag-cr kami ng sabay, akala ko iyon na, pero he just kissed me. and he told me that i was the only guy he loved, and that there'll be no other one (bcause "he's living a straight life").. but then, life goes on, we have to move on and he said that may be the last time na magkikita kami.. (i never got the chance to return the kiss, though).
after that, wala na talaga. nag text ako ng thank you (kahit naghati kami sa bayad sa food), di na siya nagreply..
pero naintindihan ko naman siya. gusto lang naman niya na maayos ako. alam ko naman un kasi bine-blame niya sarili niya kung bakit nagkaletse letse ang buhay namin sa UP.
pero ngaun, ok na kami pareho. CPA na ako.. at siya, ang alam ko isa na siyang successful ___________....
now, here are some things that i'l never forget about him....
theme songs namin: 'hero' ni enrique iglesias.
'sweet sexy thing' na gustong gusto niyang kantahin bago kami mag-____.
favorite movie namin pareho ang serendipity.
favorite color nya purple, ako naman pink (very us, hahaha).
marunong siyang kumanta at maggitara.
ako naman magsayaw.
gusto nya na kalbo ako. (pero nung makita niya ung sharky hairstyle ko, mas ok daw yun.)
ayaw niya si dexter (dexter's lab), pero favorite ko yun.
nanonood daw siay ng powerpuff, ako naman ayoko.. hmp.
me ginawa kaming maliit na poem together. ang title nun existence. basta. hehehe.
-the end-

2008-03-15T18:19:00.000-07:00

it was the summer of 2002. nagkaroonako ng problema sa letseng dorm na yan(molave) kasi ayaw akong tanggapin forwhatever reason...nasa isip ko, kung hindi molave, thenwala nang iba (bakit? kasi akala kodun sya titira, syempre dapatmagkasama kami)... but then, hindinaman pala sya magdodorm eh (kasi ewanko, hindi ata pang molave angrecommendation nya *wink!*wink!*)sa area 2 ako tumira, sya sa somewhereout there. heheh...we still had our dates (secret datesat sm north), and believe it or not,we even went to UST to attend mass onesunday. hah! who said i wasn'treligious? wala lang, gusto lang naminma-bless ni God ang friendship namin.pag asa sm north kami and feelingnamin na baka me makakilala sa amin,we'd eat at separate tables, but stillclose enough to see each other (ANDLAUGH AT each other's acting...)May 2002. we went to Sm Megamall.. unung time na magkasamang magkasamatalaga kami, the whole day.kagagalingko lang ata sa Batangas nun, at usapanna namin na sa Megamall ako bababa. Iwon't forget that day. He bought me myfirst FHM mag (joyce Jimenez on thecover), para naman daw maging barakoako.. naging avid fan tuloy ako ng fhm.yun ata ung day na napagalitan akonung landlady nung tinitirhan kongboarding haus dahil gabi na akoumuwi.. basta palagi ako ginagabi kasinga, dumadalas ang dates namin..SECOND YEAR COLLEGE.lumipat ako ng tinutuluyang bahay sakrus na ligas. dun, halos ako na langang nakatira kasi dumarating lang ungme ari ng umaga, umaalis na rin sahapon. me isang boarder noon, meroommate din ako (ugh, i remember thatone, he's kinda burara andmabantot..), but then, mas madalaswala tong mga taong to sa bahay untildumating ung time na umalis na ngasila at ako na lang ang nakatira sabahay..sya naman, naging busy sa org nya. (namadalas ay cause of pagiging latenya).. ako naman naging busy sa mgafriends, pag me nag-aya, sumasama.siguro kasi nangungulila ako sa kanya,kaya ibinuhos ko na lang sa friends koung time ko. me mga coquettes dinpamisan minsan, hehehe..then i found out that he has agirlfriend. (so that's why he's busy)..nag-away kami because of this. andthen one night (swerte nya, kakaalislang ng mga barkada kong madalas akongpinupuntahan sa bahay), dumating angkabarkada nyang si *****. nagulat akokasi alam nung tao kung saan akonakatira, and pumunta sya dun bcozmy 'friend' (naks, parang mariel ah)wants to say sorry.at inamin sa kanya ng barkada nya angtungkol sa amin (na lalo ko pangikinagulat), at hindi man daw syapabor sa nangyayari sa amin -tinutulungan lang daw nya ang barkadanya dahil may utang na loob siya dito,na ung gf raw ay front lang, na lovepa rin daw ako ng barkada nya, etc,etc (hindi ko na inintindi becausenaparanoid na ako,nashock at kung anoano pa).sa madaling salita, pinauwi ko na langung barkada nya na walang nangyaringmaayos na usapan.ala una ata ng madaling arawnangalampag ang magaling na lalake sagate ng bahay, he was very drunk andit's as if he wants to wake everyonein the neighborhood...i had no choice. i let him in..he said sorry. he cried. and he sang..namputsa, eto ang hindi ko na kinaya,naiyak na rin ako. we ended up makinglove.. and this time, he was on top..that was one of the greatest sex wehad. hehehe..it was violent, pssionateand very orgasmic... hahaha...and since i live alone, he'd comeeverytime walang 'asungot' (sorryfriends, yan tawag nya senyo), most ofthe time midnight or madaling araw..hindi na kami masyadong lumalabas(kasi pagod sa gabi, hahaha)..and we were happy...

..and we were happy.. until that time when i found out that aside from his girlfriend, meron pa palang isang babae na humahabol habol sa kanya (na laging nagtetext, nangungulit, etc.,) - so you see hindi panget ang 'friend' ko, ok? anyway, this girl is so malandi that she'll do everything just to have my man in her bed. and guess what, when i found out about her, my 'beau' said that there were times that he thought he'd give in but then, naisip nya na hindi lng isa ang pagtataksilan nya kundi dalawa.. naisip ko naman, ano ang meron ang babaeng ito at kahit papano ay natetempt ang pihikang panlasa ng aking asawa? well, dahil friends sila sa letseng org na yan (na hindi lang sa UP matatagpuan),i decided to join him on one of their 'meetings sa org'. and i found out that the girl was hot indeed.. she's sexy, and pretty, nejo nei pagka cono (malamang kasi sa katips nakatira eh).. well, ipinakilala ako ng bf ko sa kanya bilang friend nya, and i couldn't believe what happened.. i saw her flirting with him. sobrang in your face ang pagkamalandi nya,, kulang na lang isalpak nya boobs nya sa ilong ni ******.. at obvious namang na turn on ang mokong.. after that incident, napagkukuwentuhan tuloy naming madalas ung girl at ung mga ginagawa nito maikama lang asawa ko. at ang katangahan ko naman, nasabi ko tuloy na "hindi ako papayag kung hindi ako kasali". and one night, inilabas nya ako at isinama sa isang very posh na condo dun sa katips, at ayun,andun ung hitad na babae.. and believe it or not, right then and there, i fucked a girl. hahaha... i never thought i could do that... all for the love of him... and little did i know that after that incident, magsisimula na palang magdeteriorate ang relationship namin.. the stupid girl-syempre, hindi sya papayag na hanggang dun lang sya sa asawa ko... marami pang sumunod na nagyari sa kanila... and he broke up with his gf at the time for this girl.. (hindi kami nagbreak... but then, dahil inuubos na ni malandi ung oras at energy ni ******, wala na natitira for me..) at nagsimula na akong ma depress at magpabaya sa acads... (pero kami pa rin.. nagkikita pa rin kami... umuuwi pa rin sya sa bahay minsan, we talk... about him... about me... about the girl... about us... about our 'future' and our 'dreams'...) hanggang sa magkandaletse letse na acads ko (at pati rin naman sa kanya...) i was forced to stop studying at UP. he didn't like the idea and said that he'd break up with the girl wag lang ako umalis.. but my parents have decided... hindi ko rin naman mapipilit na magstay pa sa UP kasi nga isa na akong malaking failure... he broke up with the girl (malandi naman kasi talaga ung babae eh, madami pang reserba)... we communicated thru text, phone calls and ym.... bumalik pa ako ng ilang beses nung summer, para lang makipagkita, at ienjoy ang company ng isa't isa.... hanggang sa marealize namin nung august 2003 na hindi na namin pedeng ipagpatuloy... una kasi malayo kami sa isa't isa... mahirap... magastos... ikalawa kasi baka mapabayaan na naman namin ang studies namin.... ikatlo, naintindihan namin pareho na mas mabuti kung magiging magkaibigan na lang kami... (with benefits, of course...)

the untold story....

2008-03-15T18:16:00.000-07:00

una sa lahat- the person in the storysent me a message thru friendster(apparently, friends pa rin pala kamirito although hindi nya name at hindisya ung asa profile nung nagmessage sakin...) and he begged (begged kasiandaming please), please james, don'tname names please. please, im allowingyou to share this story but please,please.-yes, i won't mention names. i have nointention of telling everyone that wehad a past (alam ko namang WALA RINGmaniniwala sa akin eh and the onlyperson that knew of what actuallyhappened between us- i don't thinkhe's even here in the philippines, andeven if he's here, alam ko naman naidedeny nya). gusto ko lang namankasing ishare ang napakagandang storyna ito sa lahat..first year college..the first time i laid my eyes on him -it was not magical...he just stood there smiling (as if heknew everything that i don't) and i satthere wondering (why on earth am ihere...)and then days passed and we weren'teven aware of each other's existence(really? i have no idea..) until thatone afternoon when i saw him in thepalma hall comfort room as if waitingfor someone...'di ba taga kalai ka?''oo, ikaw din di ba? second floor?''oo.'i didn't know.he didn't know.we were both surprised- coz the liesthat we made, they actually weren'tenough.then we took the jeepney -the one thathas been waiting for us for the longesttime-and made our way to the jungle...we tried our luck with the caves thathouse the world's filthiest animals butthen, we were TOO YOUNG.. (yes, tooyoung and too horny i should say..) weended up getting a ticket on this verydark moviehouse showing this very weirdfilm (cesar montano's mananabas). butwe did not watch it.. we just talkedand laughed and made fun of ourselvesand our stories that we're just toostupid to make... and we foundourselves holding each other's hands..kissing each other's faces.. lips..chests.. and though we could barelysee, each other's navels...hehehe....and we started tasting eachother.. that was the first, theweirdest, and yet, that was the mostexplosive one... maybe we've waited forit long enough... and we were bothsixteen...but then, it didn't end there...all those times that i disappeared andi was nowhere to be found,i wasn't with anyone- but him..we had to keep everything a secret.because he has this 'image' to protect..iv even seen hin dating girls andflirting with them...yes, i may not be as 'manly' as hewas, but in bed, i am not as 'feminine'as he was...now that's bisexuality at its finest..that time, i never saw anyone buthim... although i might be chasingaround men and boys, (and it's quitefunny coz at one time, i told my friendsthat i liked him - they were like-yeah right)... but they didn't know...they couldn't and wouldn't understand...the 'first part of the affair' lastedfor two months. septembber - october2001. nagkahiwalay kami ng sembreak.after sembreak parang wala ngnangyari. pero this time, we knew thatwe both existed in each other'sworlds.. nagtuloy tuloy sya sapagiging 'straight acting', while ihad my share of other experiences.eto ung mga panahon na me iba akongnatitipuhan at alam ng lahat kung ganuako nababaliw sa bago kong crush noon.then, december came..nagkaroon kami ng isang matindingchristmas party sa kalai..after my performance, i went straightupstairs to change.. nakasalubong kosiya, and he said- HINDI KO NAGUSTUHANANG GINAWA MO.JANUARY 2002, there was this one timei was @mcdonald's philcoa, kumakain namag-isa sa 2nd floor. and then out ofnowhere, bigla siyang nagpakita na medala dalang dalawang large fries.umupo siya sa tapat ko, binigay ungisang fries, and he said 'advancehappy birthday'. tapos bumaba sya,sinundan ko, at nakita ko siya kasamaang barkada nya.. i just smiled atthem and pretended na hihingi lang akong catsup sa counter.. and thenumakyat ako ulit. mamya lang umakyatulit sya, and he said 'labas ulittayo. pero hindi ngaun, kasama kosina -----, text mo ko, bago na atanumber mo.', at kumuha pa siya ngfries at ang kapal pa ng mukha atkumuha pa ng catsup (na hiningi kokanina sa baba).magkikita sana kami sa birthday ko,(jan.21), pero hindi natuloy kasisyempre, me mga kaibigan naman ako nkasama eh...tinext na lang nya ako atbinati, nakasalubong ko rin sya sadorm at least, na-greet nya ko inperson.after ilang araw, he gave me a letter.the letter said tha he doesn't likeme, that he thought my fashionstatement was very weird. that he'drather see me bald than styling myhair in a very outlandish manner. thathe hates it when i follow guys aroundcampus, and telling everyone who ilike. and then he also said that hedoesn't like what he feels about me.he thinks he's falling in love.(hah! kahit panget ako di ba? nakitanyo na ba itsura ko nung first yrcollege?)January 27, 2002 naging kami.SUMMER OF 2002. wala na ako sa dorm...free na ako...lalo na nung second year, me sarili nakasi akong bahay, hehehe...